“My only measure of success is how much time you have to kill”
- Nassim Taleb
Most lines of work require a sizable amount of human interaction. Some interactions are useful (the signal), while most are anxious grandstanding of professionalism, and false productivity (the noise).
As your work week takes its course, keep your eyes open for surprisingly pleasurable ways to block the noise, providing you with valuable time to (creatively) kill.
Missed meeting bliss
A cappuccino and a good book
If a colleague I’m meeting in person is running behind, I order a nice, hot cappuccino and open my Kindle app to read a few pages of my current book. It’s a free-time gift by the God of work.
Inconsistency appreciated
An important client asked to have a weekly Friday morning call. For months, every Friday morning there was around a 75% chance he would “postpone” to the afternoon or the next day, a time at which it would be pretty much guaranteed the call would not happen. Bliss. Now the recurring call is out of the calendar and on the rare occasion I need to talk, I simply cold-call.
Pick your forbidden fruit
Not everyone has the decency to be flaky and impunctual… If a punctual, consistent nuisance of a professional has the gall to discuss topics at length, choose a little vice you can indulge in during a call as a small way to reclaim your freedom. Here are two of my forbidden fruits:
I love large, juiced Monster energy drinks, a prime symbol of trashiness and bad health in the eyes of most. If there is a serious video call with serious business people about serious topics, sure… I’ll talk, I’ll listen, I’ll take notes, I’ll send you an email with next steps. But the coffee cup that I sip on while giving you a focused nod is secretly filled with my favorite Juice Monster Mango Loco.
If it’s a group call and I was too dumb to get out of it, I may open slither.io on another tab: This is the perfect game for turning a meeting into background noise, without losing track of what’s being said. If a topic of relevance is brought up I can jump back into the call with ease.
Embrace multiple stakeholders
Do you have only one boss? Big mistake.
“No one can serve two masters” - Matthew 6:24
Wrong, Matthew. So wrong. Show initiative and get involved in multiple workstreams with diverse stakeholders at your workplace, ideally in different departments. As long as you deliver the required results for both sides (I believe in you), you can always block the side currently pestering you with meetings by pointing at the legitimate work items keeping you busy for the colleagues on the other side.
An 80/20 approach is essential here: What is the 20% of work with 80% of the impact for each project? Focus on that 20% and get it done quick. Quicker than anyone knows.
Why so serious?
If your job is to cure cancer, call your medicine “the tumor police”. If you cure AIDS call the vaccine the “anal-vax” or the “condom-killer”. Don’t let anyone push you to be too serious about work. Even the coolest job is a (sometimes worthwhile) charade rewarded with arbitrary, constantly decaying points made up by someone else.